The more I do this work – consulting with parents, supervisors, managers, and caregivers – the more clear it is that generating some sort of action, doing something differently, always trumps insight for actual results. I’m a left-brained guy myself, and I love insight and wisdom about the big picture, but working with actual clients with pulses has purged me of automatic loyalty to the “ah ha” moment.
Moving forward and actually doing something differently is crucial. Highly intelligent underachievers may well be unique in any number of important ways, but they’re also just like their average fellow mortals in so many obvious ways – which is humbling and not especially fun to realize.
Underachievers struggle with connecting their cognitive assets, their speed and alternative ways of processing, to mundane human social interactions, school and workplace sub-cultures, their own emotions, and the way the real world works.
Those are the “just like the rest of us” parts, not the “different” parts. The need to see and embrace a personal identity, have a place in the world, external validation, meaningful work, colleagues, friends, and, by the way, a decent income is the same for virtually everyone, so even those who see themselves to be very “different” end up being – sorry – mostly wired like the rest of us: highly emotional creatures, not superior, rational beings, questing for a comfortable, credible way of being a person in this world.
It’s sad when someone’s inner life and mental functioning turn out to be alienating and generate mostly avoidance, drifting, or isolation. Being highly intelligent should be wonderful good fortune, an asset to living life well – and an absolute blast!
Sadly, some have substance problems (usually weed,) many received a DSM diagnosis long ago (usually Depression) and have been on meds for years – which is another reason why many of them don’t make great clients.
Truth be told I more often work with the parents, spouses and significant others, siblings, and even adult children of people identified as underachieving, highly intelligent individuals. It’s their anguish and wanting somehow “just to do something that might help” that brings them to me and others like me.
Helping those people help their highly-intelligent, but deeply unhappy family member usually works better than direct service. Sometimes it’s nothing more profound than a slight shift, somehow breaking inertia in clogged dynamics. You never know.
But this all taps into a theme to which I find myself continually returning: helping – even in small ways – can relieve suffering. Highly-intelligent under-achievers can have prickly personalities and be hard to love. Yet so many stick by them through thick and thin. Those folks need appreciation – and real help.
Plus, in case you haven’t noticed, it is a mess out there. The world surely needs all hands on deck – especially those whose untapped energy might, just possibly, be part of nudging us in a better direction.
Having our smartest people function on as many cylinders as possible is good for all of us.