Some situations have become difficult problems because the doing, and some of the habits of mind connected to that doing, aren’t working anymore and are also connected to ways of seeing reality that people can be fiercely, unreasonably loyal to - despite clear as day evidence to the contrary.

Dealing with the "ex" - keeping him connected if possible - is good for the children and ultimately also for the spouse

It’s precisely the folks who’ve been aware for awhile of a growing problem, have a sense of when it started, what its possible sources might be, what's happened since then, and really want to understand their own part in the process - those are the people who use consultation well.